I am over it

I have been fighting disability for 4 years now, I have been denied over and over, sat in front of the judge, and now about to take it to the US District Court. I have to pay a fee of 400.00 and sign a paper that if I lose my lawyer will still get paid by the state. I have issues that stem from Lyme disease, fibromyalgia, Auto immune issues, neuropathy in my feet and I have chronic fatigue, but I can't seem to get anyone to listen to me. I can't get adequate treatment because doctors won't treat me because I don't have insurance. Now because it has been a 4 year battle, I no longer have enough "credit" and will have to return to work for 2 years, if I want to apply for disability again.. I don't know what to do now. I feel so frustrated and broken without help.